Monday, April 03, 2006


Is it Monday yet?

I guess you could call my weekend "foggy." I kept up with all my doses and spent both Saturday and Sunday morning in a drug-induced stupor. Girlfriend and I went walking a few places in order to stay awake, and I can;t for the life of me assign days - Saturday? - to places - Best Buy? What was I doing in Best Buy?

Probably the creepiest thing was around hour 11 on both days, pacing, thoughts flying by at a much more furious pace than they would be ordinarily, and wondering if it was time to take the next pill. I kept wanting to get back in the cell it had for me rather than hang around outside and wait for it to happen.

Slept 14 hours on Friday night, slept 12 hours Saturday night, slept 8 hours last night.

After the waiting, the second creepiest thing is The Shock. Every time I startle myself or something startles me - dropping keys, a loud sounds, bonking my knee on a chair, stopping to let a car pull out in front of me - a giant shock hits me from my spine, radiating outward to my fingers and toes. Like hitting your funny bone with your whole body, a real, physical reaction to something that used to be almost entirely mental.

Not only that, but it takes a long time to fade. My last does was 10pm Sunday, now it's 8pm Monday. I just bonked my knee an hour ago and felt The Shock, nice and strong.

I'm always hungry, even after I eat.

Talked to the doctor today on the phone, doc says to move to 200mg a night, only at night. Thanks, doc. I'll do that, and continue to eat, and continue to get pissy with my girlfriend, and continue to wonder why I just feel shitty rather than better. You've got until Friday, doc.

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